Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
