Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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