I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
tell me about the eggs
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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