half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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