and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
