break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The uberlube is also flammable
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
