The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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