no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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