don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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