make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
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I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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