Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Houston, we have a blender
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
