Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
