There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
