I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
