So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
