He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
