My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
