I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
