Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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