I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
