I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm at about main and main street
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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