I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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