Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
