I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
