that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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