I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
