I wannas sexs uuuuu
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I fill condoms, not promises.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
