you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
