Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
