Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
