Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
