I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
tell me about the fingering
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