I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
