If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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