A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
