i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
