I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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