i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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