is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
