i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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