Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize