I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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