haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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