I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
