my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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