Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
