I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I deserve this hangover.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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