theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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