ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
