Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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