I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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