Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
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I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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