I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
