Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
