this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
