so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
