Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
