I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
