I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
