This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
