So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
