seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
