Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
