i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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