no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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