Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
