so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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