You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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