Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
