He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
They should really pass out barf bags in church
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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